So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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