piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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