I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I think your dad took our porno
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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