I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
