life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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