How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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