My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
