Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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