see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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