I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
