my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
50% drunk capacity currently
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
