Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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