bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
