How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
