If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
