I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
