you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
