Its about making memories worth repressing
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I can't put those talents on a resume
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Randomize
