you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
