if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
