I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
