Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Shame is for Republicans.
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