I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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