im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
