he was CRYING into my vagina
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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