It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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