Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
