We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
