i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
