how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
