From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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