I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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