Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
