hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
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