Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
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