Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Randomize
