we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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