Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
