I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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