I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
