Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
