My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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