i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
