Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
