At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
