i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Randomize
