and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
and you fell through a lawn chair
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
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