Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
