They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
