everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
