Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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