fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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