yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
