Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
