Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
