He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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