There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
